I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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