i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
