Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize