I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
