if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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