Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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