38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
