Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
