So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
