True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
MIDGETS
????
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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