I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
