I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
