whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
