so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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