Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
