PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
