He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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