Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
