I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
