He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
