Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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