And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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