he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
