nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize