week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
