The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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