I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
