My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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