oh god the rape fog is back!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
