perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
