just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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