I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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