Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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