Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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