I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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