He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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