Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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