omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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