I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Say something about gay babies.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
