If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So much rum. So many feels.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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