I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
