My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
