I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
