I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
