Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
