Someone shit on the floor
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
