I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
