it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
