i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
