I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
