Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
