Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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