At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
