I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
