dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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