don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
