My underwear smells like fireworks.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
