I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
