I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
