You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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