I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
