if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
