I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
