i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
