Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the raccoons are back...
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