Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
