Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
