I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
