Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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