you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
